Equanimity in Essence

Wow. 2019, you have been a year. 2019 was a year of firsts and lasts, of good and bad, and of happiness and plenty of sadness. In the past year, I have been in weddings and made appearances at various baby showers, bachelorette parties, and bridal showers. In this time, I wrote and delivered a maid of honor speech and trained/ran two half marathons. I have celebrated the birth and death of close family members and friends. I have traveled to six different states, been robbed, and adopted a puppy. I have enjoyed the company of many good people, both young and old. All within the last twelve months, I have ended, started, and changed more relationships than I can count, all while completing my third semester of graduate school. What a rush. And honestly, I am exhausted (maybe overwhelmed is a good word in this situation) just thinking about this past year. I am certain many of you can relate to this eventful year! It seems like we are all at a point in life where our family and our ‘friend family’ have so much to support, it keeps us busy.

Typically, I like to think of myself as an ambitious person. But let me tell you, this year I failed. 2019 had me fail, repeatedly. These failures looked different as the months passed and even with failures there were still triumphs, no matter how small the triumphs. Don’t get me wrong, I have had some pretty big wins this year in combination with the failures. Without the failures, the triumphs might not have seemed as sweet. Some days, the triumphs were as simple as not hitting the snooze button for a second time. One of my biggest disappointments (failure might not be the best word in the case) this year was my commitment to writing and blogging. Thank you all for following my blog in the past year. I hope to do a better job in 2020 keeping it updated on my thoughts and motivation.

As the new year begins, we see many “Christmas Card” posts that give the life updates we all have a love/hate relationship with. I want to openly discuss something we all are (obviously) on, social media.

I have been struggling with the idea of social media and keeping everyone “updated.” I enjoy social media. There, I said it. I love scrolling through a feed and watching everyone living their best (or less than best) life. Twitter might just be my favorite source of free entertainment on some days. It is also fulfilling to see the network you are surrounded by doing their thing. Frankly, I like being a part of the posting and sharing. When I go home for holidays/events, I often get complimented on the life that I am living, the events I have attended, and the traveling I am doing. While this is extremely flattering, I have been struggling with this recently. I guess what I am saying is, I do not know what to post anymore. I want to give shoutouts to all the amazing people, events, and trips I have spent my year enjoying and celebrating. I want to show everyone what I have been up to, but that does not seem completely real. With all the excitement and events, there has been happiness and sadness. Sometimes, all within a couple of days. My brother was married a short three days after we buried my great-uncle. The same weekend I would be celebrating a bachelorette party, I would also be working diligently to complete graduate school assignments and papers. What type of photo or post does an experience like that any justice?

I am not looking for answers by writing this. However, I am looking for some solace while typing. The holidays can be a challenging time for many people. And I guess what I want to say is, that it’s ok. It is ok to not have a beautiful “Life Update” post that will make everyone excited for your next step. We are all living our own sort of blessed life. Living does not always equate to happy, but in my eyes, it is a pretty close second. I am grateful to be living this beautiful crazy life. I am happy and thriving. Even with this shield of optimism, shit happens. We are surrounded by loss and sadness, but at the same time, we are covered in laughter and happiness. Sometimes things suck, sometimes things are magnificent, and sometimes they are both which is even more perplexing. Regardless of how confused we might be, we are living and that is what matters.

Thanks for reading!

“Life is about accepting the challenges along the way, choosing to keep moving forward, and savoring the journey.”

Roy T. Bennett