Equanimity in Essence

Dear Grandma,

I hope you are enjoying heaven, Grandma. I know that is where you are, and I know that you are watching over me. Every day, I know that you check in on your family. I know that you are still praying for us like you did while you were on earth with us. Every Wednesday I think of you. I think of how on my cold walks to class I would call you and we would talk about all the projects you had started and hoped to finish that day.

My mom could really use your love and prayers. I know she is sad a lot because she thinks of you. She thinks of your hands and the love that you have for all of us. She thinks of the vegetables you would can together and the delicious homemade goodies you always seemed to have on hand. We all think of that. We all think of you and how we deserved more time with you.

I sent you a Valentine’s Day card that you never got to read. Sometimes, I think about what happened to this card. Did someone else open it and shed a tear? Or is it still sitting in a pile with mail that remains unopened? I like to think of the card unopened, but not unread. I want to think that you were able to read it. I sent it in the mail with hope that my mom would have been able to read it to you as you sat in the hospital. Honestly, I sent it with hope that you would have been able to read it yourself in the comfort of your living room. That’s how you, the most loving woman, deserved to spend the day of love. Thinking of it now, it was only fair that you got to spend Valentine’s Day in your new forever home of heaven. Instead of only being able to love those around you, you were able to love everyone more deeply. You were able to love in a way that you had never loved before.

I miss you grandma. But grandma, I want to thank you. I want to thank you for the love that you showed me. I want to thank you for loving our family and showing us how to love. This world would have been a totally different place if Joan had not been apart of it. You are probably scoffing at that last sentence, but it is true. No matter if you would admit it or not, you changed this world. You brought love into a places that others were not able to. From visiting the elderly and helping at church, you showed love and joy to those who needed it.

I miss you grandma. We all miss you. We miss your laugh and the way your eyes sparkle when you smiled. I miss waking up to your voice at too early of an hour to freeze sweet corn. I miss doing dishes with you. You taught us all so much about what it means to love and be loved, and I am forever grateful for that.

Have a happy Valentine’s Day. You are my forever favorite Valentine. Celebrate the day by sharing all the love and more that you shared while you were with us on earth.

Love & prayers always,

Mikaela Ann

And He will raise you up on eagle’s wings, Bear you on the breath of dawn, Make you to shine like the sun, And hold you in the palm of His Hand.